Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
