i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The uberlube is also flammable
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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