THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
