New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
