Screwed.edu
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
