she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
FUCK WHALES
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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