Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
