life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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