I could make wine with my vomit
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
