he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
