cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
