the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
