You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
