All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
