The maid of honor just puked.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
