And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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