You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
