That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
