doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
