What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
