dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
