Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
