I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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