He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
