note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
