happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
