A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
