There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
