ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He did a backflip because drugs
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
