I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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