yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
