he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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