I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
