my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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