watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
