so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
