I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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