he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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