Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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