Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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