He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
