I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
