I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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