She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
