shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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