dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
