I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
