my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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