Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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