Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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